Gather round little children and I will tell you the tale of~
ok, I’m bored. This movie was HORRIBLE!!!
First I shall state an irrefutable fact: Hayden Christensen CANNOT and NEVER COULD act. Or at least that isn’t what he shows you on the screen. I have enough to say about this to make a Rant on the topic, and I think I will (Check out “Rant #3- Hayden Christensen”).
Jumper is just as bad as everyone said it was, which is why personally I’m glad I didn’t pay for it (Library rental). The storyline is simple and repetitive, with no plot to speak of.
They chose a relatively new and young cast, purely for the looks rather than the talent. Watching a musical put on by 3rd graders isn’t as painful as sitting through this movie (and trust me, I’ve done that recently enough). The high point in the acting is when Kristen Stewart appears on screen, and she just answers a door, nothing else. Whoever played the mother of Christensen’s character sucked to an unusual degree (I don’t even want to look up that casting fact, because it would mean going to the movie’s page). The kid who played the young version of Christensen’s character was pretty good, but that’s where the acting talent stops: Little Christensen and the girl who answered the door.
I would only recommend seeing this movie if you were dying of boredom and wanted some help to the grave. They took half an hour plot and stretched it beyond belief, throwing in some ill-explained characters and throwing crap at the end to make it passable. Here is my recommendation: GIVE UP SOME SPECIAL EFFECTS AND BUY A SCRIPT!!!!
Special Effects: 5/5
If you take the effects and stamp out the rest of that horrible mind-rape of a movie you have to admit they were cool. There is one shot where an entire top half of a building is transported away, and the cut from that was excellent. Now if only they could do something about that cockroach of an actor in the shot…
I’m not even going to bother putting pictures with this, since for the Rant I’ll have to look up pictures of that hack Christensen. Just know that this movie isn’t even to be watched if you want to see how a movie can be as badly reviewed as this. Curiosity is no excuse for subjecting yourself to this horrible movie. Go watch dog poo decompose, it’s probably more interesting (and the poo has to be more talented).