Announcement- Ok?

I just wanted to let you know that since I’m done with movie reviews for tonight I wanted to get started on some of the Artist Profile’s. I’ll only make them for singers I have more than one MV for, just like always.

You’re going to get a preview of the MVs I have for those singers I’ll be adding reviews for in the next round of MV reviews. I have about 40 new reviews to add in that department, since I went nuts and updated all of my English singers. I don’t listen to much mainstream music these days, so you’ll see a lot of the forgotten classics.

I just wanted to let you know, hope you’re OK with me skipping ahead tonight.

Robots

This is an animated one, so I won’t review directing and acting, since I think a rule of animated work is that the voice acting HAS to be perfect, and it typically is, and also since I don’t think there is much to animated directing (I’m sure there is, but I haven’t taken that class just yet at University).

Plot: 6/5
With the help of his misfit mechanical friends, a small town robot named Rodney embarks on the adventure of a lifetime as he heads for the big city to pursue his dreams– and ultimately proves that anyone can shine no matter what they’re made of.

Wow, can’t you just see the movie in your mind with such a detailed description?! No offense to the writer, but let’s try again.

Rodney wants to be an inventor for a large robotics company. He hopes to become successful so that he can repay his parents kindness and help to give them a better life. Upon arriving in robot city Rodney sees just how cruel things have become for robots like him- poor. The owner of the robotics company has gone into seclusion, leaving his company to the evil and ambitious VP.

Rodney is laughed out of the company for his ideas and is thrown out on the street, where he ends up meeting a cast of misfits and odd robots. The VP, he learns, plans to use machines to scour the city and collect poor and broken robots, turning them into scrap metal. Rodney must stop this plan and help to save his new friends and family.

Acting: NA/5
The cast for this movie is really great. Other than Ewan McGregor (Rodney) you will hear Halle Berry, Greg Kinnear, Mel Brooks (but don’t hold that against the movie), Amanda Bynes, Drew Carey, Jim Broadbent and Robin Williams. I like all-star casts in movies, at least when they are mostly A-list. So many actors don’t tend to get together for crap films (though I know it is all about the paycheck anyways.

Directing: NA
I don’t like to rate animated directing. I know it’s probably just as difficult if not more so as directing real-life movies. It’s just that I think for the most part all animated films look the same- very direct and flat, easy for kids to follow and all that jazz.

Other Things
This is a good movie for kids. The plot is easy but enjoyable, and visually it is a very creative film. I really love watching the backgrounds, it’s nice ^^

Sorry my animated reviews are always kind of flat, after plot I don’t really have anything to rate (unless there is a problem).

Scary Movie 3

I’m not reviewing the first two, just so you know. They are (for the most part) unrelated, and I can actually stand this one, so that’s why you’re seeing it.

Plot: 4/5
A news anchorwoman (Anna Faris) investigates a killer videotape that’s making it’s way around town, digs into a mysterious crop circle on an ex-priest’s farm and falls in love with a wannabe rapper! Rapid-fire jokes and bone-chilling suspense are sure signs this outrageous comedy will have you laughing your head off.

Any fans of the “Scary Movie” series will know the theme of these films: to parody the biggest hits released in a given year or two’s worth or movie seasons. This one makes fun of “The Ring”, “Signs” and “8 Mile” primarily.

Acting: 2/5
This is another kind of hallmark of the “Scary Movie” series. The acting is never anything special. It always stays around a B or C-Film level without exception. I’ve never seen half the actors in anything else, though they try to keep up and include some bigger stars (Queen Latifah is in this one along with Charlie Sheen, who I consider B-list but he is higher name than anyone else here save her).

Directing: 1/5
Another theme of the movies in this series. The directing, I think, is meant to be choppy. It is a movie that makes fun of itself and the others that went into this Frankenstein-esque creation.

Other Things:
I know I pretty much ripped this movie. But you have to admit it is dumb on any scale. Listen though, I like this movie. If you are in the right mood, or with goofy friends, it is a great thing to watch. It’s definitely cleaner than the others, young teens could even watch without parents worrying.

Announcement- Help?

I was thinking of this as I was reviewing. I put links to subbed versions of each of the MVs I review. I’m singling out the subbed versions since for 99% of the MVs I’ve reviewed I’ve posted an un-subbed version courtesy of the group’s entertainment companies YouTube page, so it is official and won’t be taken down.

I can’t always look back at all the MV’s I’ve reviewed, and I was thinking about the english subtitled MV’s I include in each link (If they are still there). Sometimes YouTube takes down videos, so some of the subbed ones might not be there anymore when you come across them. If a link is broken, please let me know and I will find a new subber for it.

My secret to posting comments is pretty simple, you have 3 choices:

1) Post a comment using your name (or make a username) and e-mail. You won’t get any e-mails from my site or WordPress.com ever, and they don’t sell e-mails. You will only get an e-mail if you tell them to notify you of follow up comments or replies by me.

2) Use a fake name. Like I said, they don’t e-mail you ever, but if you don’t want to risk getting spammed (I never have been) then you can make up a fake name and use that name @gmail.com. They don’t check. You can even borrow my favorite username: “Augusta Schlendorf” (what? It’s fun to say…) and my favorite fake e-mail of “Augusta.schlendorf@gmail.com”.

3) Do a search. Whenever you do a search from my page I can see exactly what you were looking for. You can do a search for that song with “link broken” at the end, and I’ll fix it for you.

For the record all of these things work when leaving any comment as well, so feel free to use them wherever ^^

Fun With Dick and Jane

Just so you know (You’ll figure it out pretty quickly anyways), I’m talking about the 2006 remake, not the original.

Plot: 5/5
When Dick Harper (Jim Carrey) is terminated as Globodyne Corporation’s VP of Communications, he assures his wife, Jane (Tea Leoni), he’ll find another job in no time. Months later, their lawn is repossessed, Jane has sold her body to science, and Dick’s career as day laborer ends with his deportation to Mexico. Madder than ever and not going to take it anymore, Dick and Jane turn to the fastest-growing sector in the white-collar job market- armed robbery- as they become upscale suburban Robin Hoods, stealing from the rich and giving to the poor… namely themselves.

The best movies all have perfectly accurate plot descriptions. I have nothing to add to this, it’s all pretty much as you see it.

Acting: 5/5
This is semi-typical Leoni and Carrey acting. They have moments where they are a serious couple (Carrey is always brilliant when he is serious) and moments where they are over the top and wild. It’s pretty continuous and standard acting from the two, and it is consistently a good performance. It isn’t anything to rave over, but they do a good job in fitting to the characters.

Directing: 4/5
There are some sudden shot changes and areas where you are quite aware of directorial decisions, but for the post part it is pretty unnoticed. I like it when stories flow naturally. This one has some rough points, but for the most part it isn’t horrible.

Other Things
I really don’t have anything to say about this. The story isn’t necessarily easy and it doesn’t flow well at points, but it is one of the best from Leoni and Carrey. It is more American humor than Canadian or British, but I guess you could think of it as an Upper-Michigan kind of humor- an American-Canadian hybrid. It isn’t always slapstick, and it isn’t always dialogue driven… Maybe more of a lower-Michigan type of humor.

The Birdcage

I think this might have been more popular on TV than in theatres, since just about every time I turn on the TV it is on one channel or another (or on Demand).

Plot: 5/5
Lies and deception- it’s all in the family when Robin Williams must convince his future in-laws that he’s as upstanding and uptight as they are.

Armand (Williams) and Albert (Nathan Lane) have built the perfect life for themselves tending to their gaudy Miami nightclub. But their tranquility is shaken when Armand’s son announces that he’s getting married to the daughter of ultra-conservative Senator Keeley (Gene Hackman)… and they’re all getting together for dinner! Can Armand and Albert transform themselves into Mr.- and Mrs. – Family Values in time? It’ll take the performances of their lives, but they’ll do anything- and everything- to pull the chiffon over Keeley’s eyes!

This description isn’t bad at all. The movie takes place almost entirely during this dinner, and it has some of the best one-liners I’ve heard (“So this is hell… And there’s a crucifix in it.”). Williams and Lane are a brilliant duo as the gay couple, and anyone can appreciate the originality of the idea.

Acting: 5/5
No one plays characters that do not fit their normal type, save perhaps Hackman, who is quite funny. Williams is unusually serious as Armand, but he has moments where he is brilliantly funny. I don’t know what to say, since no one offers surprises, but it’s still a good movie to watch.

Directing: 5/5
This is another film where the directing does a pretty good job of going unnoticed. Visually this movie isn’t special at all, the humor comes from the dialogue again. This is the best balance between intellectual and dumb humor. I don’t know who the writer is or from where, but it has a good feel of Canadian humor (I’m coining this phrase based off of the Canadian shows I’ve seen).

Other Things
The set is kind of bright and gaudy for me, but it still works well with the theme of the movie. Like I said, I like it. I don’t love it over other comedies, but I like it.

The Holiday

This is a romantic comedy, but not the brain dead one you typically see. There is actual substance here, and the acting is very surprising for the cast they chose. Nothing against the actors, they just don’t typically do this kind of movie with this kind of performance.

Plot: 6/5
Iris is in love with a man who is about to marry another woman. Across the globe, Amanda, realizes the man she lives with has been unfaithful. Two women who have never met and live 6,000 miles apart, find themselves in the exact same place. They meet online at a home exchange website and impulsively switch homes for the holiday. Iris moves into Amanda’s L.A. house in sunny California as Amanda arrives in the snow covered English countryside. Shortly after arriving at their destinations, both woman finds the last thing either wants or expects: a new romance. Amanda is charmed by Iris’ handsome brother Graham and Iris, with inspiration provided by legendary screenwriter Arthur, mends her heart when she meets film composer Miles.

I think in this case the DVD description is pretty dead on. The plot might not sound like much, but the execution is where the story gets points.

Acting: 5/5
This really surprised me. Amanda and Iris are played by Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet respectively. While this pairing might not seem like much, even considering Graham is Jude Law, what really got me was Iris’ Miles, played by Jack Black. He has his goofy moments, but it is a more focused and refined funny side than he usually shows. His character can almost be pegged as serious. I don’t know if Black chose this role as a way to put feelers into a new genre, as a way of testing his acting, or as a one time fling, but he did amazingly. I think if Black took on more roles like this one his career would become legendary, instead of the joke most of what he does is now. He would be taken seriously with more of what you see in this film under his belt.

Directing: 5/5
What I look for in directing is if you ever notice it or not. Not noticing is typically better than the alternative, though sometimes there are cool shots where you have to step back and say “woah”. In this case you notice nothing. The story goes smoothly and naturally, with great grace and easy transitions.

Other Things
This movie is not particularly fancy. It has no outstanding directing or fast plot, but watching it you don’t really notice. It is a movie I would describe in a word as “comfortable”. You can relax and watch this movie without going brain dead. It holds your attention, but doesn’t keep you on the edge of your seat wondering what will happen. It is just a story about people living their lives. Describing it I know it sounds like a pretty dull film, but I don’t know how to do it justice. I would recommend this as a nice comedy to watch on a rainy or cold night by yourself or with friends or lovers. It is that kind of movie.

Serenity

Ok, to more pleasant reviews. Starting here I will definitely review the acting and such for you (except for animated films, I don’t review acting or directing in those).

Plot: 6/5
A passenger with a deadly secret. Six rebels on the run. An assassin in pursuit. When the renegade crew of Serenity agrees to hide a fugitive on their ship, they find themselves in an action-packed battle between the relentless military might of a totalitarian regime that will destroy anything- or anyone- to get the girl back and the bloodthirsty creatures who roam the uncharted areas of space. But the greatest danger of all may be on their ship.

That is actually not a bad description for a movie. I’ve read some pretty bad ones in my time, and this one is pretty good, but it doesn’t really tell you exactly how the movie works.

Fans of the TV series “Firefly” will be familiar with the story. I wasn’t, which is good since the movie does a review for you, but either way you’ll be fine. The story follows 7 (not 6) individuals who are part of the crew of the spaceship Serenity: Mal is the captain of this vessel. He is a former soldier who fought on the loosing side of a rebellion to bring an end to the totalitarian government known as the Alliance. Zoe, his first mate, served under him in the war and is willing to follow her captain to the ends of the earth. Wash is the genius pilot of Serenity, and Zoe’s husband. He is wise cracking and is often at odds with the captain, though they get along despite this. Kaylee, the ships mechanic, is the mascot of the group who keeps everyone happy with her infectiously upbeat mood. Jane is a boy, despite his girlish name, and is in charge of weapons and fighting. He is trigger happy and loves to curse. Inara, who comes back to Serenity  a little ways into the movie, is a companion (A high-class Gesha-like woman who also has sex with clients, so she is kind of a prostitute as well) who began on Serenity by renting a shuttle, but became the “class” of the ship and a voice of reason. Simon is one of the newcomers as the doctor of the crew. He is a proper rich boy who only joined the Serenity group to hide from the Alliance, who is after his sister River, the main character of this movie.

River was extremely intelligent from an early age. The Alliance came to believe she was a Reader, a psychic who can see the truth of anything. The Alliance had her brought to a facility under the guise of a private and elite school. There they experimented on her, planning to use her as a weapon and spy. Simon broke her out of the facility and they have been on the run for 8 months (Serenity picks up immediately where Firefly ended).

The Alliance comes to suspect River knows a secret that could bring their control and power to an end, and so they send an assassin after her. He himself is ruthless and knows no details of the issue, just that he must kill her. There is no way to tell if River knows the secret herself, as the experiments from the Alliance as well as the overwhelming horror of this secret made her a paranoid schizophrenic.

Another player in this affair are the Reavers, a group of mad humans who are thought to have been explorers who reached the end of the universe and were driven insane. These beasts abduct, torture, rape, skin, and eventually eat their victims (Zoe points out at one point that they only follow this order if you are very lucky).

The movie follows the crew of the Serenity as they seek to stay a step ahead of the assassin and discover the horrible secret which is keeping River a prisoner in her own mind.

L-R: River, Sheppard Book (minor role in the film, though major in the show), Zoe, Jane, Kaylee, Mal, Wash, Simon, and Inara

Acting: 9/5
I can’t praise this movie highly enough. It is by far my favorite science fiction film and I’ve seen it so many times I can’t keep track. All of the lead actors are perfect, and Summer Glau (River) deserved award upon award for her work.

Directing: 9/5
Again, this film is perfect. The directing is nothing particularly fancy, but it fits the mood of the movie so well that it just feels natural. I have no complaints with anything in this movie.

Other Things
Really this is just a brilliant film you all should have seen by now. It’s story based, not action based, and there is a lot of content for such a short film. It does not feel rushed at all, which is true credit to the writer (Joss Whedon).

This is an action film, but also a comedy. The jokes aren’t slapstick at all (like American comedy) and are not as intellectual as British humor tends towards. It is, I think, a good example of what I call Canadian humor- a mixture of the two styles. The humor is in the dialogue and expression, and everyone will get a kick out of this film.

If you haven’t seen it please close my website, go to Netflix (or YouTube, they might have it) and get this movie to watch. If you can’t find it online then buy it. In fact, even if you can watch it online you should buy it, just to have around. This is such an excellent film I really can’t recommend it enough.

Rose Red

I know this is a made-for-TV movie and I said I would review those tomorrow, but if I don’t review this now it is going to be stuck in my head all night. This will also be the ONLY MOVIE I do not post more pictures than just the movie poster (I’ll explain in the “Other Things” part below).

I also won’t be putting numerical scores by the plot, acting, and directing categories in just this post. Again, I’ll explain why at the end.

Plot: NA/5
Official Plot Description:
A group of people with psychic powers are invited to awake the sleeping giant that is Rose Red. But as their stay grows longer, they find that not only have they awoken Rose Red, they’ve unleashed a power that will doom them all…

Ok, that isn’t the best description of what the movie is about. Let me try to clarify. A professor of psychology, Dr. Joyce Reardon (Nancy Travis), takes a group of people with psychic powers into a mansion known as Rose Red. The home has been abandoned for many generations, but it is still owned by the family of Steve Rimbauer (Matt Keeslar), who is the boyfriend of the professor. The purpose of this experiment is to try and awake the rumored spirits who inhabit Rose Red, and to prove the existence of Ghosts once and for all using high-tech equipment and censors.

Among those on this trip are Annie Wheaton (Kimberly J. Brown) and her big sister and caretaker Rachel Wheaton. Annie is a severely autistic girl who has shown evidence of psychic powers.

As night falls in the manor strange things begin to happen. People see spirits and some go missing in the dead of night. When dawn comes these horrors do not stop. More die, and the Professor must choose between her beloved life’s work and her very life as the spirits are unleashed.

Acting: NA/5
I don’t have much to say here. Nothing stood out as particularly good or bad in this movie, at least not that I remember. Rose Red is your basic sci-fi flick. The acting is nothing award-winning, and most people who have seen this film probably don’t remember it unless reminded specifically.

Directing: NA/5
Again, nothing really stood out. There are some cool shots that will give you the shivers (such as when the psychic wakes up and the ghost is in bed with him), but other than shock effect the movie doesn’t bring anything new to the table.

Other Things
Ok, now I’ll reveal my secret, and why I did not put extra pictures in this review or give anything a numerical rating: I haven’t seen it since it aired in 2002. Let me explain why:

This movie was released as a 3 night mini series. I was 11 at the time and wanted to watch it with my parents, since the trailer looked really cool and all that jazz. After the first night I was spooked. Nothing particularly frightening happened, but there is a strong air of suspense over the whole movie. After the second night I was terrified, but if I stopped watching then I would only be more scared. After the third night I was glad it was over to say the least.

This sounds childish, but please remember I was 11. For a year after watching that movie I had nightmares. For 4 years I was afraid of the dark. For 6 years I couldn’t sleep on my side on a bed (due to that cool scene with the ghost I mentioned earlier). To this day (8 years after seeing this) I can’t sleep with a closet door even a crack open.

This movie scared the life out of me. I was not an easily scared child, I can name only 2 movies that ever freaked me out, and one just scared me for a couple of months. This movie scared me more than any movie has before or since. My parents didn’t think much of it, but the character design was completely perfect and terrifying.

To this day there are 3 scenes I think will frighten even the best of you:

1) The Ghost
While the psychic is asleep on his side he feels something. The blankets move slightly. He wakes and turns over to see the ghost of Actress Deanna Petrie lying on the bed with him. She pulls him closer and whispers in his ear that she wants him. Why did this scare me? THE GHOST IS MORE LIKE A ZOMBIE. She is mostly skeleton with skin hanging off. THIS IS WHAT TERRIFIED ME THE MOST IN THE ENTIRE MOVIE! Seriously, she was scary as shit to 11 year old me!

2) The Eye
Annie and her sister are sleeping soundly when a blue floating light comes in the room (the spirit of April Rimbauer). Annie wakes and follows the light around. Her sister wakes suddenly and doesn’t see her. She turns on the light and looks around for the girl, finding her under the bed with her eyes wide open. They go back to sleep and the sister asks why she opened the closet door, saying “you know i’m afraid of the boogiman”. They turn off the light and go back to sleep. you see a zoom-in on the gap in the closet door, where a rotting eyeball is watching them now. SCARY AS SHIT!

3) The Hanging Man
In the first part you see Kevin Bolinger, a reporter for the university where Joyce Reardon works. He was instructed by the president of this university to follow her and mess with her experiments in an effort to discredit the crack-pot Professor. In the first episode he vanishes, abducted by some horrifying apparition you don’t actually see (thank. god.). In the 3rd part you see his ghost wandering maliciously. That wasn’t bad. In the end you see his body in the circle library (which has a solid mirror floor). He is hanging from the chandelier in the center of the room- totally blue- holding a sign that says “Mommie, I’m scared”. THAT FREAKED THE CRAP OUT OF ME.

So I refuse to watch this movie ever again. Or even look at a trailer for it. It scared the crap out of me to such a degree that even now my parents make jokes. I’m fine now (except for the closet thing), but even telling people about this film gives me shivers. As a joke I bought the DVD for $10 at Wal-Mart and gave it to a friend for christmas who had made fun of me. He only watched the movie when the sun was out, and it even freaked him out a little.

In short: be amazed I even found a trailer for it. I guarantee you I didn’t watch it, and I have no plans to ever do so.

Announcement- Movie Review Format Introduction

Ok, I’m sitting here with a stack of movies (like 6) that I will start my movie reviews with tonight and finish tomorrow. But first I wanted to let you all know how this will work.

I watch more movies than TV shows, so there are literally a few hundred at least that I could review. I’m therefore avoiding reviewing movies like “Lord of the Rings” and “Harry Potter”. Movies that were mainstream and mega-hits I will try to stay away from reviewing (If I review one it’s probably because I didn’t know it was more well known). I’m a fan of sci-fi and comedy, so you’ll see a lot of my own personal favorite movies or movies from those genres here.

Again, I’m not reviewing every movie I’ve seen, just ones that I have a particularly strong opinion of one way or another.

I’m going to start plot reviews with what the DVD box says the movie is about, so copyright where copyright is due. After that if I feel the DVD description was lacking I’ll try to elaborate on it (in most cases I think I will).

I’ll review acting and directing, then mention anything else I thought was good. It is going to be a lot like MV reviews then. I couldn’t do TV shows like I wanted to so I’m not very happy with the reviews I did do (You can’t review directors for shows since they tend to change per episode).

Tomorrow I will focus on mini-series and made for TV movies. That is where I will review Torchwood’s “Children of Earth” for those of you interested (I have to watch it again tonight).